A Growing Family

All the children were curious and good learners.

Sara had grown into a beautiful and ambitious young woman. Her grades were excellent, and she accepted a part-time position in a law office. Even though money was very important to her—not surprising after her hand-to-mouth childhood—she insisted on putting almost all of her paychecks toward household expenses. For the first time in years, the Freebornes had a few new things—well, new to them—they still did their shopping at the Goodwill store. They purchased three mismatched chairs, and a battered old chess set, which provided the children with hours of fun. Alicia gave it a try, but found the rules confusing and complicated, so soon gave up.

Watching her daughter go off to work in her second-hand business clothes, Alicia was overwhelmed with conflicting emotions.

Of course she was proud of her girl, how could she not be?

Yet, another part of her felt small and inferior. Why was it so easy for her daughter to learn new things, to venture out into the world, to succeed? It wasn’t just in books that Sara excelled—she was quick to try out new skills around the house, as well. She seemed so sure that she could learn anything, try anything, and be successful.

Robbie, too, was always coming home with new ideas, new thoughts, and always learning something new. Maren was a live wire, filled with enthusiasm, friends with everyone. Compared to her children, Alicia thought, she was a failure. After all, what had she done with her own life? Here she was, already in her thirties, and she’d never finished school, never held a job—perhaps Richard had been right in his assessment of her.

Finally, she couldn’t hide her depression from the older children any more. She’d been spending more and more time in her room, sleeping or just lying dully on the bed, and they confronted her to ask what was wrong. When she explained about what a failure her life had been, though, the teens astonished her with their vehement denials.

“You’re our best friend, Mom!” Sara exclaimed. “Without you, we wouldn’t be a family. Somehow, you’ve kept us together, put food on the table, given us all the love and advantages you never had yourself. We know how hard you’ve worked, and we love you more than anything! You can do anything you want to--we'll help you! You just have to try.”

With the encouragement of her family, Alicia found the courage to start moving forward in her own life. Now that Maren was in school much of the day, it was possible for her to enroll in adult classes, and start to make progress on finishing her own studies. The work was hard for her, but she persisted. Thanks to an observant teacher, she discovered that she suffered from dyslexia—it made such a difference to her, to realize that her struggles with school and with reading weren’t due to stupidity, but to a learning disorder. The adult school staff helped her work on strategies to make it easier for her to learn the materials she needed to know.

She scanned the job ads, too, and found the courage to call and to go in for interviews. Unfortunately, she really wasn’t qualified for anything, and she had almost given up hope when one of the adult school teachers asked her if she’d be interested in teaching some aerobics and fitness classes at the adult school. Eagerly, she said yes, and headed off for work with butterflies of excitement in her stomach. Since she was still hiding from Richard, though, she was careful to give a made-up social security number to the school.

She had only been working for a couple of weeks, though, when she injured her ankle in class one day. Determined not to be a quitter, she tried desperately to finish the class, but ended up collapsing in front of her students. Paramedics had to be called, Workman’s Comp and the State Bureau of Labor got involved, and the principal of the adult school was furious at her poor judgment. When they checked her file, they discovered the fictitious social security number, as well. After a painful scene in the principal’s office, Alicia was fired.

She almost gave up after that, feeling that she couldn’t possibly return to class after such humiliation. But somehow, she found enough courage to go in to see her favorite teacher. Taking a deep breath, she explained her situation for the first time, talking about the years of verbal and physical abuse at Richard’s hands, and about her struggles to care for her children and to make something of herself. The teacher was moved by her story and promised to intercede with the Principal on her behalf. After a lot of discussion, the Principal agreed to give her a second chance—on condition, of course, that she correct the information in her file.

With her heart in her mouth, Alicia visited the Legal Aid office and requested assistance in filing for divorce. It took every ounce of courage she had to put the completed forms into the mail, knowing that now Richard would be able to track them down. Could she keep her family safe? Or would he be able to dominate her as he had always done before? Soon she would find out.

A New Life

Alicia clutched Robbie against her as she watched the shelter van disappear down the street. Behind her, Sara was gazing at the humble little white house in amazement. It would be hard to imagine anything farther from Richard’s pretentious mansion, that was for sure.

“Is this it, Mommy?” Sara asked. “Is this our new house?”

“Yes, sweetie, this is our new house.”

“Are we really going to stay here and not move away? Can I go to school?”


“Yes, baby, we won’t move any more. You’ll start at your new school in a couple of days, as soon as Mommy can talk with the Principal.”

“Can we go inside? I want to see our house! Yippee!”

Setting Robbie down on the scruffy lawn, Alicia fumbled in her pocket for the key the social worker had given her. Time to see what there was to see.

A few hours later, Alicia stood looking around the simple living room with Robbie firmly in place on her hip. Sara lay tucked into the big bed in Alicia's room, reassured that Alicia would join her later. All in all, she thought, it could be much worse. Certainly the house and furnishings were plain, even shabby—but they were clean, and everything worked. After the weeks of ratty hotels, shelter dormitories and long bus rides, it seemed like a miracle to have her own home once again.

The night she’d left Richard, she had driven to the train station and parked the car, then taken a cab to the bus depot, hoping to throw Richard’s investigators off the track. She’d bought tickets on the first bus leaving the station, then gone on from there—north, south, it didn’t really matter. It wasn’t until she knew there were over a thousand miles between her and her former home that she finally felt able to stop running. The woman at the shelter in SimCity had been kind, though—offering baths, beds in the shared dormitories, and a listening ear. Alicia had been astounded to hear that the shelter had some donated single-family homes, where deserving families could stay at minimal cost for as long as necessary. It seemed almost too much to believe that she and the children could qualify for a home, as well as for a small government stipend to help with groceries and utilities. However, the social worker had convinced her that it was true, and here they were. Perhaps, at last, this was a safe place of her own.

Giving Robbie a last bottle, she tucked him safely into the crib, which she’d placed just outside her bedroom door to be sure that she’d hear him if he cried in the night. Richard had made sure that there were nannies night and day, saying that she couldn’t be trusted not to make mistakes with his precious boy—but she was determined to keep Robbie and Sara safe and secure.

Crawling into the big bed next to Sara, she felt herself relax at last. While Sara might have dreamed of the man they’d left behind, Alicia’s sleep was peaceful and free of nightmares at last.

The next week passed slowly. Sara started school, and Alicia struggled to help her with her homework. She had never done well in school herself, and somehow reading came hardest. The letters and words seemed to wriggle around on the page, and it was difficult to concentrate on them, almost impossible to make them stay in focus. But she was determined that her children would have a different experience, and she wouldn't let them see her give up.

Alicia wrestled with the unfamiliar tasks of housework, as well, and with caring for her toddler alone.

Sometimes she wondered what would have happened if she hadn’t dropped out of school to marry Richard at seventeen. Perhaps she would have learned more, overcome her problem with reading, figured out how to run a home and care for children. But at first Richard had smiled, and said that nothing was too good for his wife, she wasn’t to bother her little head, someone else would take care of everything for her. Later, when he had grown tired of her, he was quick to point out that she was too stupid, too clumsy, too ignorant to be trusted with his fine home or his son.

Although the children seemed to be thriving, Alicia couldn’t seem to shake off the sickness and fatigue which had plagued her ever since leaving Richard’s home. She felt exhausted much of the time, struggled to swallow the simple meals she was able to make, and sometimes found herself unable to keep even a small amount of food down.

Finally, staggering queasily out of bed one morning, it dawned on her what was wrong.

“How could I be such an idiot,” she thought in horror. After all, she was a mother twice over—how could she have missed the signs? Yes, she hadn’t had her period in at least three months—she’d written it off to stress, when she’d thought of it at all, but there could be no doubt—she was pregnant.
She’d been planning to look for work as soon as Robbie was a little more settled, but who would hire a pregnant woman with no experience, no references, and no social security number? Dazedly, she sank onto the couch to think about options. Could she make her small remaining hoard of cash stretch long enough to survive? Perhaps, if she swallowed what little pride she had left and made use of the food pantry at the local church, asked for donated clothing at the shelter, and was careful not to waste a single penny.

When she explained the situation in careful terms to Sara, she was startled by the child’s response. Sara was excited at the prospect of another sibling, and quick to propose ideas for helping them to get by.

“We’re learning about plants at school, Mommy!” she cried. “My teacher said we could each have a few vegetable seeds if we promised to keep a journal of how they grow and how we care for them! I’ll plant a garden, and that will help give us food to eat.”

Somewhat to Alicia’s surprise, things worked out just as she’d hoped. Time passed contentedly in the little house. Robbie grew up into a handsome and studious boy.

He and Sara played together constantly, and were the best of friends.

Although the family ate peanut butter sandwiches, macaroni and cheese out of a box, and burned spaghetti, family dinners were filled with laughter and conversation. Alicia encouraged her children, played with them, and gave them all the love in her heart.

Alicia had been nervous about the new baby, but Maren seemed far easier to care for than she had imagined. The home nurse and the social worker from the shelter were always at the other end of the phone line, ready to answer questions and provide encouragement. Alicia found a joy and confidence in this baby that she had never experienced before. She even began to venture out, to the park, to a social group for single parents—and began to make new friends.

Unlike Sara, who had been raised by the nannies until childhood, and Robbie, whose toddler skills had been largely ignored, Maren basked in Alicia’s care and attention.

Watching her children grow, Alicia felt true pride in her family’s success.

Prologue

Alicia’s hands shook as she dabbed carefully at the blood on her face. Dimly, she registered the crash of the heavy oak front door slamming closed. Dizzy and sick, she knew that Richard might change his mind, might be back at any moment. Lately, it seemed as if her knowledge of him, her ability to figure out what he wanted, was growing less and less reliable. She should have known better than to ask the cook to serve pork chops tonight, of course—Richard had been worrying about his weight gain just yesterday, and had commented scathingly on the slight thickening at her own waist as well. “I’m so hopeless,” she thought miserably.

But it was too late now, of course. Lately everything she said or thought or did was wrong—and worse, Richard had begun to find fault with Sara. Two days ago, there had been a bruise on her daughter’s upper arm—Alicia had been afraid to ask her where it came from, and the child hadn’t volunteered the information. Of course, the baby was safe—Richard had told her flatly that his birth was the only thing Alicia had ever done right. A sudden wave of nausea came over her and she vomited helplessly into the toilet.

When the spasm had passed, she dragged herself back to her feet. Her head throbbed and she was barely able to stand.

If only she could get away, she thought, bathing her swollen eyes with cool water. If only there were someplace where she and the children could just vanish away, gone forever, safe from Richard’s cutting words and his bruising fists. But of course, she wouldn’t be able to raise the children alone—Richard had often told her what a complete idiot she was, unskilled at even the simplest tasks, and with no training for any career. She knew he was right--she wasn’t even a competent mother—how could she be thinking about trying to raise the children on her own?

Yet, somehow, she was thinking about it. Dropping the stained washcloth into the sink, she found herself slipping down the hall into the bedroom she shared with Richard. She knew better than to take her purse—the credit cards inside were in Richard’s name, and wouldn’t help her—but daringly she slid open the top drawer of the massive walnut dresser where Richard kept cash. “Not too much,” she murmured breathlessly, pulling a few bills from the thick wad. Now her heart was hammering—he might be back at any moment, and there would be no going back if he saw what she had done.

Thank heavens he had sent the cook and the nanny home tonight, she thought—at the time, knowing that it meant he planned to reprimand her, she had been sick with apprehension, but now it seemed like a gift. Quickly, not pausing to pack or even snatch up a coat, she ran back down the hall to her daughter’s bedroom.

“Sara, wake up! Wake up, sweetie!” she whispered, shaking the child’s shoulder lightly. “We’re going on a vacation! Wake up!” With the dazed child, still in her pajamas, tagging behind, Alicia ran across the hall and snatched Robbie out of his crib. For a moment she considered calling a taxi, but she knew there might not be time. At any moment, Richard might be back—and she dreaded the punishment which would follow once he figured out what she was doing. No, the only way was to vanish completely, so that he could never find them, no matter what.

Strapping the bewildered children into their car seats, Alicia was shaking so hard she felt sick to her stomach. Where could they go? What could they do? As the car backed out of the garage, her only thought was to drive as far from home as she could, to go and just keep on going, and to hope that somewhere, somehow, they could find a haven, a place of safety.